The Itsy-Bitsy Spider

There is a very small little spider that lives on the outside of my office window.  He is only the size of about four little squares of the screen that covers my window.  Day after day, he just sits there, occasionally moving a few squares.  I'm sure the change in vantage point is refreshing from time to time. He seems to lead a quiet little spider life.  I really don't blame him for settling on my office window.  The view out over my back yard really is quite nice, especially in the springtime.

But today he had an adventure!  You see, today, another spider invaded his territory!  One of his own kind came to usurp my spider's prime real estate!  They chased each other around and around and back and forth, and I'm sure there was much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.  It was really quite entertaining:  An epic battle staged in 18x24 inches!  It was a great struggle, but you'll be happy to know that my little spider won out in the end.  He chased that other spider off then did a couple of victory laps around the screen for good measure.  Like I said, I don't blame him for fighting for it.  :)

Would you like some humble pie with your packing tape?

I hadn't intended to have two serious-ish posts in a row, but I had something happen this evening that I felt like I should share.  Anyway, it's been so long since my last post that it doesn't really count as being "in a row," though, right?

On days when I'm not working I usually go to the gym sometime in the late morning or early afternoon.  I find running on the treadmill to be exceedingly boring. Combine that with the fact that I detest running to begin with, it is necessary to find a distraction.  Out of the array of tv's suspended from the ceiling near the treadmills, the only one that consistently has the subtitles on is whichever one is tuned to MTV.  At this time of the day, MTV is always showing either "16 and Pregnant" or "Teen Mom." Not the most stimulating or uplifting of shows, but they provide the necessary distraction.  Also, I feel like I should note, good for MTV for airing shows that bring to light some of the very real consequences of teen sex.

Fast forward to this evening when I found myself at Wal-Mart on a run for some packing tape.  I've been feeling generally lousy most of the day and I just wanted to go back home.  Of course, when it came time to check out, there were only two registers open.  I chose the one with the shorter line.  Ahead of me, there was a young couple, unmarried, as far as I could observe, neither she nor he could have been older than 18 or so. Sitting in their cart which was full to overflowing with baby items and general life stuff, was their daughter, who must have been somewhere between 18 and 24 months old.  They were dressed like maybe they came from a neighborhood that wasn't so great and they kept their eyes glued to the computer screen, watching the total price of their haul grow.  In short, they looked like prime candidates for either of those MTV shows I watch while I run on the treadmill.

I was taking this in and selfishly wondering how much longer I was going to have to stand in line if they discovered the total was too high and had to choose something to get rid of.  They cashier finally finished ringing up all of the items and told the couple the total as the dad was carefully counting out bills to pay.  The total was $106.54, but the cashier asked the couple if they would like to round it off to $107 and donate the extra 46 cents to the Children's Hospital of Boston.  Just as my mind was thinking "Right.  I'm sure these guys have to save every penny they can..." the mom and the dad simultaneously perked up and answered "Sure!"  Then they finished their transaction and went on their way.

...

I haven't felt so rotten about myself in quite a while.  It was only 46 cents, but the willingness and generosity of this couple, to my utter shame, surprised me.  Even though no one could hear my mental barbs, I still wanted to shrink down into my shoes.  What ever happened to "judge not that ye be not judged?!"  How could I stand there making assumptions about the quality and standing of this little family?  What right do I have?  Which party was going out of their way to be Christlike?  Maybe that wasn't their goal, but that's sure what it looked like to me.  I'm not sharing this, necessarily, to berate myself for being so judgmental and un-charitable, but to instead remember my own place in this life.  That is to not judge others and to be charitable at all times and in all things and in all places.  How easy for me it is to let my guard down and to become absorbed in my own worries.  How easy is to pass judgment on that which I don't know.  I'm thankful for the little reminder I received this evening.  I hope not to forget again.

If you're not tired of reading, I want to end with one of my very favorite story.  It's a Christmas story, but the message applies all year round:

Why the Chimes Rang

I Am Not

I am not a good artist.
I am not a great housekeeper.
I am not a good correspond-er.
I am not a mother.
I am not a genius.
I am not as pretty as I used to be.
I am not a fantastic writer.
I am not a good dancer.
I am not a scientist.
I am not good at keeping potted plants alive.
I am not a morning person.
I am not a community activist.
I am not in shape.
I am not working in the job I'd like.
I am not important.
I am not a triathlete.
I am not a scriptorian.
I am not perfect.

I am not, in fact, many things that I try to be, or that thought I would be at one time, or that I wish I were.  And that makes me really sad sometimes and really angry other times.  The things I am not remind me of the places where I don't quite fit in and the tasks that I can't quite complete and the things I have not accomplished.  It's very easy to dwell on all of these things that I am not, and very easy to let them hold me back.  But there are some other things that I am not:

I am not a failure.
I am not finished learning.
I am not giving up.

While these things do not make the other things any easier, or any less sad or infuriating, they do give me some hope. They help me to remember that maybe I am not so hopeless after all.

Maybe it has an Undetectable Extension Charm?

Around 2:00 this morning, I started composing a new blog post in my head.  It is on a topic so fantastic, so horrifying, and so perfect, all at the same time!  But it will have to wait for next time.  Maybe tomorrow or something when I go into exile in my own home (read: Bryant is having a bros only video game night.  My thoughts on that later too.)  Anyhow, so I was getting ready to write the above amazing blog post by checking my email, facebook, pinterest, websudoku.com, you know, the important things, when Bryant asked me if I could hunt down my camera picture-uploader-cord-thing so he could use it to charge some of his video game controllers for video game night.  Having not used it in a couple of years (oops), I only knew its approximate location, but I went to hunt it down anyway.  (Why do I encourage this?)

After looking through my drawers of Stuff (with a capital S) in my office closet and coming up with nothing, I moved on to the dresser full of games, where I found an ugly pair of earrings once given to me by a student, and my camera's battery charger, but no picture-uploader-cord thing.  I moved on to the next (un)likely place, my bedside table drawer.  Was my picture-uploader-cord thing there?  No, it was at the bottom of one of my filing cabinet drawers, but this is what WAS there, which, it turns out is more appalling interesting anyway:

LOTS of receipts.  I was too embarrassed to count them all.
3 home-made cards from Bryant (maybe that's why I encourage this <3 )
One vintage Harrison family photo card from Uncle Frank
5 other miscellaneous other photos
5 toy mice, no doubt confiscated in the middle of the night from a psycho, nocturnal cat
1 2 dollar bill
2 necklaces
2 fan pulls
lots of clothing tags (cause where else would I put them after removing them...?)
1 burnt-out flashlight
1 tide pen
1 car cigarette lighter thing
1 old cell phone
1 ear-piece that goes with the old cell phone
2 complements of packaging for tights
2 broken-off pieces from a vintage mirror frame
1 glasses cleaning cloth
1 zipper pull
1 tire valve cap
1 spool of yellow thread
3 hair elastic things (one with yellow flowers)
4 bobby pins
1 pirate eye patch
2 teal pills of unknown effect/origin
1 fox 40 whistle and lanyard
3 pens (one actually even worked!)
1 scripture-marking pencil
1 twig
6 buttons
2 safety pins
1 functioning flashlight
1 stray length of elastic thread

Yikesies.  Pretty impressive for a 10x12x2.5" drawer, right?  Don't judge me.  So after carefully cataloging everything and shoving every last item back into the drawer getting rid of the unnecessary flotsam, I felt that it obviously needed to be shared with the world post haste.  The other post will probably be more complete after tomorrow's adventures anyway.

(Just because I know you're dying to know, it involves a cat, a Disney movie, and 2 full bio-hazard suits.)

Of Hangers and Willpower, Part 2

Disclaimer:  The following is what I'm prettt sure is a text book example of a first-world problem.  Proceed without [too much] judgement...

This week I have faced a daunting, emotionally painful, harrowing, and at times, dangerous task.  The dreaded closet clean-out.  Ugh.  It gives me the willies just thinking about it!  The problem with the dreaded closet clean-out lies in a multitude of areas, but I suppose that the largest (and strangely, easiest to admit) of these is that fact that I like my stuff (or at least, did at some point)!  If I like it, why should I get rid of it?! Makes sense, right?  Some people just don't understand the attachment one develops to one's wardrobe.  (Do I sound shallow yet?)
Dear husband has scoffed at the above theory since the day I met him.  His hints that a closet purge was imminent were getting less and less suggestive and more and more proclamatory.  I finally capitulated when, in the search for a missing hiking boot, I unearthed approximately three pairs of shoes that had somehow fallen off of my mental wardrobe inventory.  Also, my compulsive need to fold things was beginning to beat on my brain.
So, it was with great sadness that I parted with the black column dress I've had since the tender age of 15.  I swear it looked at me with betrayal in it's eyes, reminding me of the many times it was so perfect, as I gave it one last caress and cast it into the pile.  So mournfully did I sever ties with that white, paper-thin blouse, you know, the one that I wore that day when everything went my way?
Anyhow, the hardest part is now behind me.  And despite the anguish of the "purge," I feel better now.  Things are more organized, more accessible, and now there is room for  new stuff!  ;)

Of Hangers and Willpower

Today I went to TJ Maxx.  I love that place.  Possibly, I love it a little too much.  Such bargains!!  I mean, I can go in for a $4.99 pair of pantyhose, and they will only cost me $75!!  (The Calphalon stockpot and the cute clearance skirt are bonuses with the purchase of every pair of green polka-dotted tights, I swear!)

But today was different.  Today there was monstrous effort.  It went like this:

"I am only here for a hanger"
[Walk into store]
"I am only here for a han- Ooh!  That coat is gorgeous!  And it's so sof- I am only here for a hanger."
"I am only here for a hanger."
"Ooh! They added more clearance dresses!  I wonder-no!!"
"I am only here for a stupid hanger.  I am only here for a hanger."
"I am onl- Oh, I bet that shelf would work next to the TV for the movies.  Is it too tal- Ugh!! I am ONLY here for a hanger >:l "
"Hanger.  I am only here for a hanger.  I bet they would be over by where that chair that I want is. I love that chair, yes there it is, in all its glory.  It's not that expens-  HANGER!!!!"
"I AM ONLY HERE FOR A HANGER!  I AM ONLY HERE FOR A *^#$&*% HANGER!!"
"Here they are!  Here is my hanger, it is in my hand.  I am now going to walk responsibly and frugally to the cashier and buy my hanger, after which I will exit the store!"
[turns away from the hangers]
"Oh!  Why, here is the clearance shoe section!  Don't mind if I jus- JUST GO BUY YOUR STUPID HANGER!!!"
"This is getting ridiculous.  Is it so hard to just come in and pick up an insignificant little han-SPARKLY!!  NO, NO SPARKLY STUFF.  HANGER!!"


You get the basic idea.  Then end, my $6.99 hanger only cost me... $6.99!!!  That's right.  I only went in to buy a hanger and the only thing I bought was my stupid hanger.  You may now congratulate me.

TEXAS

I usually keep my ipod on shuffle when I'm driving. I do this because A. I'm to lazy to be bothered with figuring out exactly what I want to listen to and B. because live is just that much more amusing when one hears Chopin, The Deftones, Raffi, and Yeah Yeah Yeahs back to back.

A few weeks ago, this song popped up on the tune box (YOU MUST LISTEN TO THIS SONG AT LEAST ONCE WHILE YOU READ THIS):




Now, Bowling for Soup is not a band that I would say that I really like so much. It's just kind of fun to listen to when I'm feeling nostalgic for my sophomore year of high school. It's kind of a Warped Tour wannabe punk teenager sort of a band.

That said, as the song was pumping through my speakers, tears began pumping from my eyes! Not because I'm that nostalgic for high school, because really? Really. Turns out, this has happened more than once.Why?   HOLY COW I MISS TEXAS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I've been thinking lots about all of the things that I love about Texas and I thought I'd share an incomplete list with you.
So in not really any particular order:

• The University of Texas. Hook 'em Horns!!!!
• bluebonnets
• REAL barbecue
• Barton Springs
• Big Sky
• Austin City Limits Music Festival
• mexican free-tailed bats  (all three million of them under the Congress St. bridge)
• mexican food (We tried Vermont's version of this once.  It wasn't even laughable.)
• mexicans
• Summer is hot like it should be!
• I love Dove Pool
• The Whole Foods company headquarters (conveniently located a block from Bryant's old apartment.)
• Pools, pools, pools, and more pools
• The Comal River
• Freebirds
• Amy's Ice Cream (Darth Chocolate Ice Cream?  I'd almost eat it just for the name!)
• Snow Cones (apparently they don't exist in New England?  You'd think with all the snow it might occur to someone up here?)
• Not wearing a jacket until November-ish
• Southern accents (Bahston accent?  Naht pretty.)
• Dental hygienists who overdo it on the eye makeup
• Fifty year old women who overdo it on everything
• The I-35 corridor (really?)
• Bluebell
• Two-stepping
• cowboy boots
• The Keller bike path
• Clint Small Jr. Middle School
• H-E-B
• The Zilker kite festival
• Deep fried __________
• Texas culture

I could, of course, go on, but I'm starting to get choked up again.  Don't mess with Texas, folks.  For realsies. \m/